Ode to my Father

I never felt that anything was missing out of my life. When I was little I just assumed that what my dad did was the definition of what a father was. I never thought he wasn't doing what he was supposed to be doing. It was in second grade, when it was announced that we would be making something for father's day, that I was told differently. I said "They have a day for those people?" I was met with the most bewildered faces I have ever seen. It was soon explained to me exactly what a father was.

He wasn't easy to live with, to this day he isn't. But he is who I am, he is who made me into what I am today. When I look deep within myself, and go back to both my parents heritage, I know that some of it lives inside of me. There is a southern belle inside me eating grits and red eye gravy to her hearts content, and is so polite it seems to drip from her lips. I have few memories of when we visited North Carolina, but what I remember most is the atmosphere. It was so humid, and it bothered me, but it also felt like home to me. Gone With the Wind is one of my favorite movies because I know that my great great grandparents were there living that same exsistence.

My father told the same stories and jokes, so many times I knew all the punchlines and still remember them. Growing up he would embaress me and make me cry. But now that I am where I am today, I miss him. He is part of my soul. I wish I could go back in time and cut him some slack. I was rude and disrespectful to my father. I felt like he had no right to tell me what to do because he wasn't around a lot. Unlike the characater in Big Fish, I didn't believe that he had another life when he was away for months at a time. But I knew his mind wasn't at home when he was there. I inherited a lot of his traits for him not being around a whole lot.

I miss him, and I wish I could have one more day how it used to be, with me living at home, so I could enjoy co-habitation with the only father I will ever have.